Man of Kent - Railwayman posted a comment on Tuesday 5th March 2013 6:05am

Really good scene

Vukk posted a comment on Sunday 7th September 2008 7:03am

I was thinking Matrix almost the whole time reading this scene. Personally, it would only work as a one shot because a lack of people in the castle...

Sonicdale posted a comment on Tuesday 5th August 2008 4:01am

Hm.
I got the Matrix reference pretty quick. But it felt as if you just needed to purge the scene from the brain. Nice that.

Only a few roads to follow with this. You could incorporate it into an existing story - which at last glance didn't exist - or make it into a good AU story. I'd guess the AU story would need some background, but not overly so. What I'd rather see is maybe a tweak of the Kung-Fu scene between Neo and Morpheus put into HP verse. Maybe ... dare I say it ... a Harry vs. Kingsley, with a few "Stop trying to hit me and hit me!" sequences?
:)
Good work.

Mr.Intel replied:

Hmm.   That would be fun...   Hmmmmm.

Graup posted a comment on Saturday 2nd August 2008 5:49pm

Thanks for writing this ditty. I sounds somewhat like "Taking Control" - have you read that story?

Anyway, I like the physical aspects instead of just shooting spells. It seems a good way to avoid AK.

Mr.Intel replied:

I haven't heard of it.   Who is the author?

Christina C. Keimig posted a comment on Friday 1st August 2008 12:06pm

I loved how you tied this in to the Matrix-concept of fighting. It was sure a fun read!

kyoshi711 posted a comment on Thursday 31st July 2008 9:41am

Exciting story. Wish you could have let some of the other characters in on the action.

warpwizard posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 8:49am

Pretty good stuff. I thought the scene felt familar. :)

JBern posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 5:35am

Interesting fight scene. My only comment would be why didn't Voldemort engage Harry at that juncture? The story might have been better if it had been Malfoy leading the Death Eaters.

Either way, good stuff thanks for the read.

Asad posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 4:21am

Nice little piece.

Gaelyn posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 11:43pm

Love the action! Great story by itself, though it would easily fit in as part of a greater whole as well.

Keep up the great writing. Only noticed a few grammatical errors (i.e. every-expanding should drop the "y"). I look forward to more of your work.

-G

freshwater posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 11:21pm

You set the scene very quickly and effectively with just a few sentences. You also developed an intriguing tension between H/G with very few words....both speak to your skill as a writer. And, of course, the descriptions of the fighting was impeccable...I'm really not a visual person, so when a story gives me a contiguous movie in my head I know that it's well done. My only disappointment was in not having the conversation 'about us' between H/G....yeah, I'm a romantic at heart.

Rocky235 posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 11:14am

It reminded me of "Kill Vill" er, "Bill"

I'm glad you just let Ginny and the rest leave without arguing with Harry. It let me use my imagination to flash on different reasons than you probably meant.

Well done technically and fun to boot

Ashwin posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 9:42am

Well I believe you quite succeeded in describing the Chateau...... All through the story I kept picturing Neo and his skills in that scene, and I read the AN at the end which says exactly that.......excellent work!!

Patricia Shea posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 8:28am

This was an interesting fight scene & very well done! I have noticed lately that all of my favorite fan fic authors have developed Harry's talents beyond canon. That is OK with me. I think JKR could have done more with the character than she did & you all have taken up the banner. Great reading... Thanks for sharing!

:) Patricia

joeBob posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 7:54am

While the writing was clear and the action followable, the fight and outcome are not at all believable.

There are too many faults to list, for example: DE's, trying to kill, are throwing very few AK's and lots of blockable spells?

Voldy has always led the fight against Harry from the front and feels he must prove himself, the better man, in front of an audience. Yet here he stands by and does nothing when dispatching Harry is one of his highest goals?

noahshonor posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 7:09am

It's good to have you back. You were missed!

kate19 posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 7:06am

nice!!!!

Meg posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 6:49am

That was a lot of fun! (And a very pleasant break from painting. ;) )

I don't think I saw that scene in The Matrix (only caught bits and pieces of the second and third films), but the fighting reminded me a bit of Lara Croft. :) Also a teeny bit of Tim's Once More. Just the fight, not the characterization.

Thanks for digging this one out and posting it. It was a great quick read.

Cheers,

Meg

Mr.Intel replied:

Glad to oblige.   :)

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 6:08am

well, it's an interesting experiment and it most definitely reads well. It's quite a believable movie fight scene and would be excellent to see on the screen.

Carol Layland posted a comment on Tuesday 29th July 2008 5:45am

Indeed, a nice little story that could with a bit of work turn into a major tour de force.