brad posted a comment on Wednesday 6th August 2008 11:51am

Are you sure you're pro-OBHWF? Because this Ron:

> Ron stood. "Because I need you."

Is *my* Ron. The selfish Ron who got Hermione handed to him on a platter. Because, for whatever reason - Rowling wanted it that way - Hermione had apparently decided to wait years for him until he grew up, and Harry conveniently stepped out of the way with his 'like a sister'. No complications for Ron, until now; Hermione's stopped waiting for him?

> "I can’t speak Parseltongue," he said to Ginny. "When Voldemort killed me, he killed the bit he left inside me and now I can’t speak Parseltongue!"

Good one. But you didn't go far enough:

---

Now that Harry thought about it, he'd lost more than just his parseltongue ability.

"Oh my gosh," he said to Ginny. "My chest monster - the part of me that was attracted to you - it's gone too! No wonder I felt that it was like a separate part of me ... it *was*! It was the fragment of Voldemort's soul within me which was attracted to you, Ginny! And now I'm free of it! Free of you! The wedding's off! Now, where's Hermione?"

----

Please feel free to use this snippet in your story, as a logical extension of your having Harry lose *all* the traits given to him by the Harry!Horcrux soul fragment. Be fair now! He loses the parseltongue, he loses the chest monster too! No crediting issues with using the above, I'm happy to help.

:-)

I don't know what the point was of Harry showing Ginny the first two memories since they showed him in quite a good light, rescuing her and all. It was only the third memory which showed his 'dark' side and would make him nervous about her continued good will towards him. Oh, Ginny, wait until you see what DH!Harry was like, casting more unforgivables with abandon! "If you weren’t good, you wouldn’t have had trouble cursing that woman" -- but he had NO troubles using the unforgivables in DH, Ginny! Using the Cruciatius for the most trivial of reasons! Wow, the wedding may indeed be called off!?

Mr.Intel replied:

I love every bit of this review.   Sadly, I won't kill the chest monster (though it doesn't ever make an appearance in my story) and the wedding won't be called off (because it's critical to the plot).  

Ron was portrayed very selfishly by Rowling as evidenced by his lustful wanderings with Lavender while Hermione pined away for him.   My Hermione, however, is done with school and is off on her own adventure for once.   No more is she cloistered under the burden of Harry-helping.   The Ministry needs saving and she's off to the rescue!

The first memory was to have Ginny know exactly what kind of shining armor her prince wore.   He was a bumbling (literally!) twelve year old that was brave-bordering-on-stupid that got lucky with that sword thing.   The second memory was so that Ginny could know that Harry understood what the Cruciatus curse felt like, prior to him casting it at Bella.   As for the DH memories, I had intended to add those to this chapter, but the pensieve-dipping felt too long as it was.   Perhaps in the next one, though.

riegert8 posted a comment on Wednesday 6th August 2008 7:02am

Interesting chapter

Sonicdale posted a comment on Tuesday 5th August 2008 2:35am

You know, I think you've been involved with a wedding or two.

Then again, nothing compares to a mother in law on a mission. I'm sorry, man. You must have had to endure this for real. I was lucky enough to have dodged that.

Good to see you writing again. I know what kind of time constraints church callings can put on your writing - but I am glad to see you dusting off the imagination and knocking the rust off the keyboard.

This story is going well - not too predictable. But I'd like to see a little bit of tension - maybe the whole Weasley Big Brother talk? I haven't seen one of those in a while. Sure, you did the Father Talk thing, but I'm curious as to your take on that. And the Granger's reaction to Hermione's announcement.

Good work. Looking forward to more!

Mr.Intel replied:

Oh... there's going to be tension.   I've been laid up in the hospital for the past 36 hours and I've got a load of tension to unleash on them now.   >:-)

Christina C. Keimig posted a comment on Friday 1st August 2008 12:05pm

I have enjoyed this story a lot so far. I'm glad you're writing again!

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Friday 1st August 2008 10:33am

They were attacked by half a dozen wizards and they let them loose to attack them again, why?

Mr.Intel replied:

Any additional publicity (which arrests and trials would definately produce) is very bad at this point.   They want it to blow over.

justblaise posted a comment on Friday 1st August 2008 12:28am

I would completely disregard Kinsfire's review, given the content/charcterization that dominates his work.Completely

Having said that, this story [i]is[/i] rather weak. The proposal/engagement is rushed, and the double wedding idea is ridiculous. The 'Golden Trio' + Ginny the Hogwarts Rebel, being railroaded in the wedding preparations by Mrs. Weasley? Completely unbelievable. It reads likes bunch of kids being bullied into playing Dress-Up by their older sister.

The fight scene was vague - I'm assuming it was would-be wizards looking to get the Elder Wand, but I'm not so sure. The Crackshot plot also seems stupid; my guess is that you're going to have someone close to Harry become minister once this guy gets the boot.

All in all, rather weak storytelling. At least your grammar's legit. 1.5/5

Ravenclawchaser68 posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 11:28pm

This is pretty good so far. I'll definitely be watching for the next chapter. I'm curious whether you're planning to follow the epilogue and what we've learned from interviews with JKR, or if you're planning to write your own ending. Either way, I'm looking forward to it. Thanks for writing!
Jay

Mr.Intel replied:

The short answer to your unspoken questions is 'yes'.   There's enough wiggle room in the 19 years between "Flaw" and the Epilogue to incorporate a plot that's not strictly bound to what JK's revealed.   I plan to have it follow as closely to canon as I can, without being boring.   :D

DrT posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 8:28pm

So, how will Muggle-borns get their things? It's also silly, as that one portal really means nothing -- the Ministry is still out in the open, they likely get all their food, cloth, etc. from Muggles. So it's at best a symbol of the usual magical bigotry

Mr.Intel replied:

All it is is a symbol of what Crackshot is really doing behind the scenes.   Well... that, and it ticks of Hermione to the point where she's going to start pursuing him.

brad posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 1:31pm

I had to grin at Ginny's casting a bag-bogey hex; it recalled memories of a satirical little piece I read a few years ago.

The URL is http://scribooty.livejournal.com/2854.html if you want to have a gander.

Mr.Intel replied:

ROFL!   AndThenVoldemortKilledThemAll.   HA!

Meg posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 11:35am

I just read your exchange with Kinsfire, and I have to say I'm really, really glad I read the chapter after changes were made.

One of the things I HATE with a passion in h/g stories is a Ginny who physically abuses Harry, regardless of what pretext it's under.

I have abandoned stories for this sort of thing, even when an author tells me "well, this is how *I* am with my boyfriend!"

(For the record, it involved a lot of arm punching/slapping. Nothing horribly physically abusive, but unacceptable nonetheless. I might jokingly "tap" Tom's arm, but it's nothing that hurts him, makes a sound, stings, etc... Harry, in this story, was constantly saying "ow", being bruised and rubbing his arms from where Ginny hit him. It made me sick.)

I just don't find painful physical contact to be acceptable anytime. So for me, to hear Harry say "I'll give you this once" was a relief. Ginny may be used to one way of things, being the youngest of 7 with all older brothers, but that doesn't translate into something acceptable in a relationship, IMO, especially not with someone like Harry, how he was raised.

I just wanted to chime in on that. (And I'm glad you put in a request for your forum to be opened. I can't do it myself, or I would.)

Meg

Meg posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 11:24am

And this isn't a cliffhanger? *evil female grin*

Oooo... now I can't wait to see what you've planned! Both for the Elder Wand and the Ministry.

I'm really not all that concerned with the wedding(s), though it is a fun bit. :)

I'm just all "squee" with plot points right now.

I loved Arthur here, and I really hope we get to see the rest of the Weasley Boys reactions. Not that I think they'll be awful, but Ginny is young, and a very baby sister to Bill and Charlie, so I have always pictured something interesting there.

Thanks!

Meg

jilumasam posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 9:43am

Very very nice chapter!

Gotta wonder how this will all turn out!!!

Lizzy :)

freshwater posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 8:50am

You've taken a few angles of perspective I haven't seen before in 'rebuilding the wizarding world' fics. And I particularly like the "I can live with that" as code for 'I love you' for H/G. Nicely done.

joeBob posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 7:15am

JV. Disengaged.

Carol Layland posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 7:11am

Hello, This is a lovely chapter. Not much angst here but with a lovely wedding comming up it is a wonderful time in this story. I am absolutely happy with it.

heathw posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 5:46am

It occurs to me that my rewiew needed a post script: I would like to most humbly request that you reopen your forum!

Mr.Intel replied:

I've put in a request to have it opened.   :)

heathw posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 5:40am

I have always thought of Harry as a "charge ahead" type of person. As such, it is fairly easy for me to imagine Harry proposing to Ginny fairly quickly after the final battle. Stangely enough, the other scenario that makes a great deal of sense (to me at least) is Harry taking years to propose, having been given many opportunities. Growing up in a situation where one is told and treated like one is worthless must have lasting effects. I've never been able to wrap my mind around the number of double weddings that occur in fanfiction, however. For me at least, a wedding is too personal to be shared in such a way. I suppose living under the constant threat of death with the same few people builds a bond of brotherhood few can comprehend...still...I have difficulty wrapping my mind around the idea...
In any case, I look forward to the next chapter.

Mr.Intel replied:

Good observations about Harry and marriage.   As for double weddings... Just because Ron intends to do something, doesn't mean it'll happen that way.

--M

Kinsfire posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 4:02am

Now THAT works better. Just that simple change made it work for me. Thank you.

Kinsfire posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 3:34am

Thanks for such a fast reply!

I think if it was as simple as him saying "I'll give you this once, Ginny, but never again. I will not be your punching bag." I could be happy with it then.

Mr.Intel replied:

I've changed it.   It's a more complicated scene and the extra emotional transitions make it more so, but I'm happy with it.   What do you think?

Kinsfire posted a comment on Wednesday 30th July 2008 2:52am

I was enjoying this until the moment that Ginny punched Harry in the stomach and he accepted it.

Speaking as a man who had a wife that ... spirited (to be polite), there is nothing good that will come of it.

I can't read any further, because of that. I'm sorry. Perhaps if he had a backbone and told her that he wouldn't accept that sort of treatment from her without a GOOD reason, I could handle it. But to just roll over and decide it's all good because she kissed him afterwards?

Mr.Intel replied:

Well don't let that stop you from reading more!   I'm sorry that was too big a pill to swallow.   I really am, but I really felt like Ginny couldn't let him get away with that.   That scene was dithered with for quite a while.   At one point, I had him getting slapped but that's been overdone (IMO).   At another, she just told him off, but that was too emotional.   So I opted for the slug to the gut, which is what she felt when he dropped on one knee.   I can totally see Harry telling her to never hit him again, so I may modify the chapter accordingly.   It seems that there is a strong sentiment regarding Harry that I wasn't aware of and I hope you'll give this story another chance.

Thanks,
--M